november 8

so im giving what young life likes to call the cross talk in a mere month away... i've already been thinking about it and what i want to say. well going along with thinking about the cross 24/7 and being on a needtobreathe kick lately, my heart is.....thankful. i dont even know if thats the word.. maybe precious? i don't know. listen to 'learn to love' by needtobreathe then read the crucifiction and let me know how you feel. maybe there isnt a word for it. or maybe i cant put into just one word what jesus is doing through this talk already.

a phrase i've recently come up with to sum up the cross, "jesus had to drown is our sin, so that we can breathe in His life-giving freedom." quote me on that. i've stayed up most nights thinking about it. and what this truly means.

i dont know about you, but i have grown numb to hearing the crucifiction. i dont even shudder anymore. maybe thats why i'm thinking about this talk so far in advance. i want to feel it in my soul. i want to breakdown in tears for this jesus of mine. i dont want to just go through the motions of hearing it and reading it. i want to be rocked to my core everytime.

a story a young life friend shared with me at summer staff two summers ago that i will never forget:
i was sitting in the audience of a young life club during the cross talk, when a capernaum girl (our friends with disabilities) got up and had to excuse herself. naturally she followed her to make sure everything was okay. she asked why she had to get up and leave. the girl responded, "it's too sad! why did he have to die? he didnt deserve it. it's too sad!" all while sobbing uncontrollably.

so if you would, pray for my high school friends, and that this talk wont be a normal story they've heard a million times. and pray that i dont brush it off as a story. this was his life. and in result, MY life.

pinterest pretties

let me break down my first few days of Junior year of college for yall.

-first day i escape walking up the steepest hill in fayetteville because my knight in shining armor came and rescued me. okay so it wasn't a knight but my friend Lauren, and she wasn't in shining armor but she was in shining car.
-internet crashes. it knew we needed it, so it cracked under pressure. typical.
-i have a stupid 2 hr break between my classes tuesdays and thursdays. hence the reason this is happening right now.
-my french book was $237.arm/leg.....not a problem right? WRONG. spent at least 2 hours between bookstores trying to find other options for this dipped-in-gold book. i finally buy it just before tears came gushing out in the middle of hell(bookstore doesn't believe in AC apparently). get home. start my homework. turn to page ---WHAT THE CRAP. don't worry folks, for one small payment of $237 your book will do tricks for you. this small payment gets you a book capable of being binded upside down and backwards along with a stomach ulcer and high blood pressure.
-show up to french the next day, bitterly i might add, 30 mins early--typical of walking to school. a bro decides to crack open a can of miller light before class. yeah, you're right, sir. it is indeed 8:45 AM and that sounds like a plausible time to take the edge off.

the week is still young my friends.

to keep yall interested, here are some pins that i am gushing over:

 

btw skulls are the new thing and i love it.
leopard print is still my weakness.
and scott disick is my favorite.

there's a first for everything

MY FIRST EVER CRAFT POST! can you believe it?! nope, me neither! well lets not waste anytime...

*to find a pencil you should definitely steal one from your roommates desk, they are the best pencils and they're free*

I left about an inch from the trace line to the cut line just for safe measure!

After I trimmed it up, I went over with some more mod podge to the edges.

*one million nepal bead bracelets is not necessary nor suggested for said dish*

there ya have it! and of course no craft is suggested unless you have happy hour from sonic to accompany you.

man, i feel like a woman

thanks shania twain for the woman empowerment evident in your songs. i swear you can never feel more like a woman until you rock high heels for a day. okay so maybe i changed halfway throughtout the day but whatever. heels are a bitter happiness. they're uncomfortable, but they look good.

shirt: h&m jeans: macy's heels:target bracelets: windsor watch:michael kors

the reason i put myself through the sweet agony of heels, is because i had an interview! believe it. if you talked to me about a month ago i could have sworn to you that next to my name in the business world was a tiny asterick. the asterick would be to indicate that no one should hire me just to watch me suffer. the poor college girl life is so 2011. i want to post a craft on here, but to craft you have to have money. no job equals no money, no money equals no crafts. catch my drift? well cross your fingers friends, ill find out soon! until next time, heres a craft i plan to do a tutorial on when my bank account allows willingly.

also, hell must be freezing over because today i went for a run, and i sweated!

its happening

currently:
exhausted from updating the blog for the past 3 hours. i haven't looked at a computer screen for this long in months. i'm here with news. the blog is going to be changing! a makeover if you will, is occurring. i'm going to intermix the crafty-fashion side of me into this thing. if you don't like it, leave. just kidding, don't. but i'm doing it anyway. so bring on the awkward outfit posts, the failed crafts that no one likes but me, the responsabilty with actually doing this for real.*see last post 3 months ago* i have a feeling i'm going to regret this added hobby later. when i come to yall crying and asking for mercy, don't give in. this will be good. i follow a ton of great fashion blogs and i always catch myself thinking, "i want one." so, this is it. the journey starts now.

sweet season

so much has happened.
so much is going to happen.

hey friends. just thought I would take a few to share with you whats been happening!

first of all, its May. It's beautiful. I love the warmth of the sun on my skin while walking to class. Speaking of class, its pretty much over! I have 2 days of class left then stuff gets real. Looking at getting my first "C" of my life... But really that should be some indication of how much I've enjoyed my social life this semester. C's get degrees! Right, dad??

You guys, jesus has been so great to me this semester. Like always. But this has been a great semester. Besides school being stupid hard, my social life has rocked. I finished that beth moore study I talked about a few posts back, and it was wonderful. I'm going to go back and do all the homework I didnt do this summer. But what I did accomplish through it was so sweet. My past is always going to be a part of me, but it doesn't define me and it's not my identity. It doesn't own me and it never will. Jesus has it now, and he will always have it. Freedom. It's good. I am who I am by the grace of god. 1 corinthians 15:10. Thank you sweet jesus for it all. now heres where I really spent my semester:

this. this is where I spent my semester. Being tacky with my all my friends. Dressing like nerds with all my friends. Going to lunches with all my friends. Chaperoning prom with all my friends. On the front lines of ministry. I'm not saying this to "pat myself on the back". That's not where I'm going with this. I'm trying to tell you how full my life is. Not full of things, but full of JESUS! So full. There's not a week that goes by that I don't feel this way. Granted, I get weary and feel like everything I do is in vain, but would I be human if I didn't feel like that? This sunday I got the sweet privilege of becoming team leader with my best friend. Things are going to change. Things are going to get difficult. Things are going to be rough. But it's worth it. Sometimes my gpa might be screaming for help, and sometimes I might just be screaming for help, but it's worth it. And maybe my room will look like a tornado went through it, and maybe I wont wear makeup for a few days, and maybe my hair might be a little greasy every now and then... But it's worth it. Because when I finally reach the finish line with jesus, he's gonna look at me and say, "We did it." (Stole that from the beth moore study) and He's NOT gonna ask me what my gpa was. He's gonna ask me about that one time I took a girl to zaxby's for lunch. He's gonna ask me about that one time I woke up at 6 every friday for bible study.

I'm loving every minute of Life. I'm loving even more the Father who gave me this full life. To my family reading this, don't worry I love my major too much to make bad grades--don't be alarmed. But I would say be proud you raised a girl who loves people and relationships more than her gpa. :) So this is me. This was my semester. Not Young Life, but Jesus. Young Life is the outlet I use for ministry. It's not Jesus. Jesus is what makes me full. He is alive in Young Life, and He is working. 53 days until I and 46 of my high school and leader friends are at windy gap. Pray for us. Pray for me. Pray His glory is shown. Thank you to everyone who reads this stupid thing! Sorry I only update once a month... haha.

"If they want to run straight toward hell, they're going to have to do it with us wrapped around their knees."

jokes, joys, and spring break

I'm a little late on this but.... MY SPRING BREAK WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS. I went to gulf shores with my sweet friends, and had a relazing week on a beach full of senior citizens and ZERO crazy college kids. Yes, I'm probably a senior citizen myself, but lets be real... I am NOT about college kids getting drunk on a beach half naked. So my week was perfect for this 20 yr old going on 60...

Being on the beach is just what I needed. I don't think I realized it at the time, but looking back I definitely understand what the Lord taught me that week. I have this thing where I never feel worthy of anything. That I am inadequate 110% of the time. The enemy knows this and is CONSTANTLY whispering lies in my ear. Its a daily struggle, honestly. I had just recieved some news the thursday before we left for spring break, that put on my shoulders a lot of responsability. I was excited, but in the back of my mind was the constant thought of I can't do this. I'm not wise enough. I don't do enough. I'm not good enough. LIES.

If you want to feel insignificant..... go to the beach.
If you want to feel significant....... go to the beach.

sitting on the shore reading psalm 139 just about rocked my world to pieces. Yes, its one of the most cliche scriptures in the bible because I feel like I'm constantly having it shoved down my throat.. BUT its truth. Its beautiful truth. Sitting there looking at the ocean, I couldnt help but feel so small. The same creator who made the ocean and put each grain of sand where it is now, put me here on the earth. Who am I that I think I can be of any use to my savior? But who am I to doubt what my savior can do through me? I sat there thinking about how I felt inadequate for the position handed to me, how I never felt good enough...


1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.


I am adequate for the King and I am good enough for the King.


JOKES:
-Almost hitting a poodle today coming home from school. That dog looked like it had never seen the outside of a backyard, and was going to run as far as his little legs could take him...
-The airport losing my luggage. Story of my life. Traveling is never a walk in the park for me. Don't worry, I took a 2 hr nap in the target parking lot while they searched for it.
-Wedding showers. Loved seeing my old Young Life leaders this past weekend, but I don't have a baby and I am not married so conversations were funny when you're just a sophomore in college.
-Easter candy. Okay. I hate the fact that we make a big holiday for treats and eggs out of Easter. This sounds terrible, but I will probably not make easter baskets for my children. We will celebrate the sweet and beautiful resurrection of Christ, but I'm not going to buy 50 bags of candy to do so. Bah Humbug.
-the tornados hitting my hometown yesterday. I hate the cons of spring. Leave my friends & family alone!!


JOYS:
-My family being safe and sound from said tornados.
-finally being confident rocking the middle part for my hair. Yeah, this constitutes as a joy for me.
-shopping with my momma this past weekend. It's not just shopping. It's bonding. It's a time for her to just be with me and talk about whats been going on with the fam. tears may or may not have been shed in the forever 21. sue me.
-getting to go home AGAIN this coming weekend. but not home.. san antonio. my favorite. seriously.
-picnic time with alyssa last week. sweet time in the sun with a sweet friendship.

PEACE N BLESSINS YALL

jokes & joys

I'm exhausted in every way possible. But I'm doing something a little different for your viewing pleasure. Love it, or Hate it. IMMA DO ME. I need to sleep...

Jokes:
-the week before spring break. You want me to study? for a test? but I'm supposed to be on the beach in 48 hrs, how do you expect me to focus?
-economics. you aren't fooling me. you have no explanation for anything, and only define things after they've happened/continue to happen. sit down, and shut up. stupid class.
-pleasing people. I try so hard. I fall so short. I take everyone's opinion about what I've done or how I do it to my grave, I'm pretty sure. But that's over with for the moment. No more energy left in this unworthy flesh!
-almost falling off the bus today... actually I wish I would have so then I could have just laid there until jesus himself came and picked me up during the rapture. I CAN'T GO ON. (me, being dramatic)..
-trying to get a skirt off of a mannequin today. I may have thrown a slight temper tantrum in defeat...
-how bout sitting across from mr. beautiful today on the bus... I tried to holler, but it must have been the grease in my hair, and the non-makeuped face that got me the weird looks.... take it or leave it, boys.
-HA doing lunges at walk-a-thon on saturday, and today being the first day I can walk wihout any pain. I need to exert energy more often than never...

Joys:
-my best friend having her first ever capernaum club today! and 12 kids showing up. He is so faithful my friends. So faithful.
-spring break at my finger tips. I can smell the beach you guys.. I can taste it on the tip of my toungue.
-Kaityln Cross. It's been a rough week in the life of Lauren Southard, and the only thing keeping me sane or alive, is Kaitlyn Cross. God bless her.
-The "Lauren's with an 'L'" at club last week, then finding out all the high school boys were quoting us at campaigners. GIRLS ARE FUNNY, YOU GUYS!
-Beth Moore bible study at Karen Bonner's every wednesday. We had a full on ice cream bar, people. Also, the fact that Beth taught us today, that I am allowed to say "No" to people! wait.... WHAT?!
-Heating pads are a gift from the sweet baby jesus himself.
-Having a house for next year.
-Happy hour at sonic does wonders for my soul. seriously.

snow bunny

A quote I found from Keira Knightly talking about her character on Pride and Prejudice. I actually hate the movie, yeah I'm crazy, but I'm just not a fan. I'd rather watch the notebook... Nevertheless, this quote is good. And its pretty much how I think everyone should view physical touch.


“They don´t really touch. Women don´t shake hands with men. So the first time Darcy touches Elizabeth is when he helps her into the carriage. Which is a really beautiful moment. Because it's the first skin-on-skin touch. I think today, we don´t think twice about that at all. I shake people´s hands, I give them a kiss, whatever. It´s interesting to think, if you don´t have that tactile nature, how important one touch can be.” (Keira Knightley)


Happy winter!
It snowed here today! and I still have to go to class... BOOOOO!
PEACE N BLESSINS

memory lane

ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE HAS BEGUN!!!

crazy.
that's crazy.


It was exactly this time last year I wrote my very first post during the superbowl. GreenBay wassup. What a year. ITS BEEN A YEAR!!!?!? WHAT?!


I was going to write a blog like this at the beginning of the new year, but I decided it wasn't really fitting. Who knows why, I just never felt the words come out right.. Speaking of the words coming out right, I apologize if I was too harsh in my last post. I still feel uneasy about it, but I don't regret it enough to take it down. Love is sacred. And that's all I was trying to convey, give or take a little.

Anyway, one year! I've come so far, yet still have so far to go! It so weird to picture where I was a year ago. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

1) I was in my dorm room with kaitlyn cross, and ellie webb. I was trying to figure out if I had just become a pretentious hipster by creating a blog. (I definitely haven't) We were "watching" the super bowl and I think I remember something about a snow day... I don't think snowpacalypse had happened yet... Maybe. Who knows.

2) I was wanting to get back to texas for a boy. HA! It's not one of those "I can't believe I liked him" situations, its a "I AM SO NOT READY FOR ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW" type of situation. Great guy. But boy, am I not ready for that. I am so not ready for someone to answer to, which is not how I think a relationship is going to be, BUT I'm young. I'm wild. I'm free. okay, just kidding about the wild and free. But really... At the end of the day I'm happy to be with my best friends. Sure, there are times (LIKE LAST WEEK) that I was upset with my current standings, but its what is right. Even if I go to bed at the end of the day, thinking God must have made a mistake somewhere along my path, I know in the back of my mind I'm so thankful for this. I am so thankful for college with my friends. Life to the full. No regrets.

3) I wasn't a young life leader! My my my how my priorities have changed. I would rather spend my lunches at FHS than anywhere else. I would rather spend a majority of my free time seeking high schoolers that probably think I'm crazy because I want to hang out with them.. In reality theyre cooler than a lot of people I know. I wouldnt trade anything for my thursday nights of craziness with or without a USB cord in my hair, or screeching like a pteordactyl. Life to the full.

4) I was no where near where I am with the Lord. So much growth and forgiveness, and the removal of bitterness has taken place since last february. THANK YOU. It's a daily process, for sure, but I am getting places. Great places. I'm currently doing a bible study with a ton of YL girls called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore (AKA WHO I STRIVE TO BECOME IN THIS LIFE) and I am so excited. We are about to start week 3 and I can't wait to see what happens this semester. Freedom. It's coming to my heart. I can't wait.

5) I had no idea what I wanted to do in this life! I had no idea what I wanted to major in, or what to do after college. I still dont know what I want to do after college, but that's pretty far off. However, I am majoring in something I love. Fashion. It's dumb, and easy smeasy, but I love it. And whether the rest of the world wants to admit it, fashion is apart of our daily lives. Whether you strive to be fashionable or not, you do wake up in the morning and put articles of clothing on. Someone somewhere had to have the idea, then designed it; someone bought hundreds of them to put into a department store, and then YOU drove your little self to said store and bought it. You're welcome.


I've been there.
I've been here.
I wouldn't trade anything for the world.


His plan is perfect.

that word we use a lot

Love.

I love broccoli.
I love my dog.
I love my jeans.
I love this song.
I love the color yellow.
I love you.
I love jesus.


Love. Its a word I use a lot. I probably say it more in a day than any other word in my vocabulary. People use the word to me, too. People say they love me...........right after they say they love a movie.

I'm frustrated, you guys. I've been frustrated with this for a while now. Love is not a word to be used lightly. And I'll admit to yall that I use it way too much, and way too lightly. The word is thrown around like it's nothing. IT'S SOMETHING!!! It means so much! yet it means so little to our generation.

Coming from a girl that struggles with love, and the thought of being loved, IM SICK OF IT. The word itself has lost all meaning. I'm numb to it. I struggle with truly knowing if I love the lord with all my heart. LOVE. Not the "I really like you a lot" kind of love. But the love that would yield me to give up my life for Him. The real Love. The only true love I've ever known. (wow, that was really cool to think about..) He is my first love. The one who holds my heart. I'm sure their will be another man in my life whom I will want to give everything to, but the Lord will ultimately have it all forever. LOVE.

I want to love Christ with a sacred, immeasurable, one-of-a-kind, love! How is a girl supposed to know what true love is, if we throw the word around every other sentence?!

Can I just be honest with yall? The main reason I was lead to blog this, is because I feel the need to address the boys/men of our generation and let them know to quit saying "I love you!" There are a few boys in my life, who are just friends, who say "I love you" to me. (And I'm sorry if you think you're one of those boys and you're reading this. Learn from it.) Not in a "relationship" way, but in a "best friends" kind of way. DON'T SAY IT. You are robbing me, and your future wife of the precious gift of "I love you." By all means, you can freely say it to me whenever you want. But know this-- The love that I have in mind, between a man and a woman, is the kind I've described. The kind that would cause you to spend your life with me, forever.--Let's be real. You, who have said I love you to someone you didn't mean it to, probably didn't mean it with that kind of love. So I have an idea.... QUIT SAYING IT! I'll take my own advice too. But hey, why don't we do ourselves, and our generation a favor, and lets put the value and meaning of "love" back into it?!


So, boys, quit saying it because you're ruining it. And I'll quit saying I love whataburger when at best I probably just really enjoy whataburger. Catch my drift? I feel like I'm beating this to death. And I don't want yall to think I don't love anything, or won't say "I love you," because thats not what I'm trying to say. I'll say "I love you" to my best friends (WHO ARE GIRLS) because they know me to the core and still choose to be my best friends. LOVE.


"LOVE one another fervently with a pure heart." 1 Peter 1:22